This made me think of the stimulus and response principle. Something enters the room and calls for a reaction. We are free to decide what that reaction is, and it largely determines how we feel about it. Furthermore, for the marathon runner, it is therefore up to them to view the pain as unwanted suffering or, for example, as a useful contribution to achieving success. For the more recreational runner: do you see the pain as something that pushes you into a victim role, or as a voluntary choice—a sacrifice, if you will—to remain physically healthy for as long as possible? Or even more so, to remain physically and mentally healthy for as long as possible? 'Sound mind, sound body,' as a well-known sports brand uses as a slogan.
Moreover, we therefore always have the free choice of how to react. A positive mindset can be very useful in this regard, both for yourself and those around you. We are all familiar with the saying: 'the glass half empty or half full'. Furthermore, various studies indicate that people who think in terms of the 'half full glass' are more satisfied with their lives than the so-called pessimists. If you think in terms of abundance, you appear to go through life with more pleasure than if your thinking is dominated by a sense of scarcity. In fact, the likelihood that the future will unfold in accordance with the visualization of your beliefs also turns out to be high.
Based on this premise of a 'self-fulfilling prophecy,' statements such as 'success is a choice' or even 'happiness is a choice' are made. At first glance, this might seem rather opportunistic—imagine being terminally ill—but it does touch upon the core of what matters. For if the 'response' is not merely an empty phrase but is based on deep-rooted principles and translated into a personal mission, then there is a significant chance that the person in question will actually experience the intended success or happiness through the resulting behavior. Furthermore, it is essential in the formation of this mission that it stems from a clear vision of oneself and one's environment and results in ambitious and realistic goals.
Furthermore, according to some behavioral gurus, it is not so much about the stimulus or the response, but primarily about the space in between—the moment of choice, in other words. Is our response based on the social mirror or the expectations of others, or does it stem from a careful evaluation of our deeper values, our conscience, and our so-called life script? That is what is weighed in the space between stimulus and response.
In terms of development programs aimed at bringing about lasting behavioral change, we are talking about personal leadership. This can be incorporated into one-on-one coaching and various customized training courses, where I would like to mention Time Management specifically. Traditional Time Management is primarily focused on increasing efficiency. In short, it involves doing as much as possible in the shortest possible time, using the necessary aids, tools, and programs. The clock is placed at the center. However, if the choice of how time is spent is consistently tested against what the person in question truly considers important, then the personal compass is consulted. In that case, it is much more about Self-management. What happens in the space between stimulus and response therefore largely determines the quality of life. Carpe diem!
Pain and helping people grow
Incidentally, the core of good leadership is getting the best out of your people. That starts with understanding what drives each team member and where his or her talents lie. Not everyone is motivated by the same things. One employee wants autonomy, another seeks recognition, and yet another thrives on new challenges.
As a manager, it is your task to recognize those individual drivers and align your approach accordingly. A personal development conversation is a good tool for this. Not the formal performance review, but an open dialogue about ambitions, needs, and possibilities. Teams in which employees feel seen and heard perform demonstrably better.
However, discover our Coaching Leadership training at Kenneth Smit and make a difference.