Not so strange, by the way. Scientific research shows that social pain (including rejection) has strong similarities to physical pain. When people experience social pain, the same areas of the brain light up as with physical pain.
Opioids, a type of painkiller, are also released in those areas. The most opioids are released in more resilient people: they suffer the least from the pain of rejection, but even they are not insensitive to rejection.
The fear of rejection often leads to commercial avoidance behavior. Sales professionals, for example, avoid situations where rejection is possible.
The result: procrastination in acquisition, not asking for commitment, embracing harmonious-sounding but misleading sales theories, making safe visits to existing relationships, quickly pulling out the discount card, etc.
Understandable and logical, but disastrous for self-confidence and commercial results.
That is why it is helpful to manage fear of rejection. And the good news is: you can learn to take it.
How do you handle that?
1. Make maximum use of your own influence
Some things in sales you have only limited influence on. This includes actions by competitors, social and political developments, responses to a Coronavirus, the purchasing process of customers, etc.
You have control over other factors: preparation for sales meetings, professional knowledge, quotation texts, skills, references, etc. Make maximum use of this and take advantage of these opportunities.
If you do lose, let it happen because of things outside your control. And not because of carelessness, laziness or lack of discipline in yourself.
2. Put rejection into perspective
Let's be honest: how bad is it really when a customer says 'no'. Does that give you a serious illness? Is your partner leaving you? Or are you ritually stoned in the company restaurant?
Does this “no” mean that you will never sell anything to anyone again?
Does it mean that you are a worthless entrepreneur, advisor, or salesperson? Or does it mean that you have failed as a human being? Understand me correctly, this is not a plea for rose-tinted glasses or ruthless relativization; the stakes in commerce are often too high for that.
However, a realistic view of the facts helps you deal with rejection more resiliently. This reduces the impact of rejection on behavior and prevents passivity, avoidance, and other forms of sales sabotage.
3. Limit the impact of the loss
Suppose that every month you just barely manage to meet or just barely fail to meet your commercial targets. It is tense every time, make or break. Then comes that phone call: “Unfortunately, thanks for your efforts, but we are choosing your competitor.” You can hardly believe it.
Secretly, you were kind of counting on this order. And now it's gone. You feel down. You've lost. What now?
But now suppose you receive the same rejection message while you are performing excellently. Commercial objectives are being met by a wide margin and the prospects are great!
The biggest challenge is to manage the order flow well, keep setting the right priorities and enjoy the success in the meantime.
Your reaction to the rejection is likely different then: “Too bad, I’m bummed. But this is part of sales. And fortunately, there are so many parties that do choose us that I prefer to focus my time and energy on them.”
The difference? Not the rejection, but the context is different. If you ensure a structural supply of good, new ideas, agreements, introductions, propositions, and activities, there is little to worry about.
You offset one person's "no" with another's "yes." So keep moving, spread your sales opportunities, and limit your dependence on occasional hits. You cannot always prevent rejection, but a well-filled sales pipeline is an excellent painkiller.
Ready to see how Snowflake works?
Rejection and sales go together. But if you maximize your own influence, are realistic about what rejection means and continue to create sufficient opportunities, you will limit the impact and maintain your resilience. And especially in these dynamic times, that is a crucial quality.
* Check for example: Social rejection shares somatosensory representations with physical pain | PNAS