Empathy: what it is and why it is essential as a manager

You are in a meeting with an employee who has been underperforming for weeks. Your first instinct is to mention the targets, pull out the numbers, and make clear what needs to improve. But what if you first asked: how are you doing? And then actually listened to the answer. That is the difference empathy makes in the workplace.

Furthermore, empathy is not a soft skill you add on when it suits you. It is a core competency for every manager who wants to achieve sustainable results. Research by the Center for Creative Leadership shows that managers who demonstrate empathetic leadership perform significantly better in terms of innovation, engagement, and retention. In this article, you will discover exactly what empathy is, why it is so important for managers, and how to concretely develop it in your daily practice.

What exactly is empathy?

Empathy is the ability to put yourself in the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of another. It goes beyond sympathy (sympathizing with someone) or pity (pitying someone from a distance). With empathy, you try to see the world through the eyes of the other person, without immediately judging or offering advice.

Moreover, psychologist Daniel Goleman, known for his work on emotional intelligence, distinguishes three forms of empathy:

• Cognitive empathy: You understand the other person's perspective. You understand how someone thinks and what motivates them, without necessarily feeling it.
• Emotional empathy: You empathize with the other person's emotions. If a team member is frustrated, you notice that frustration in yourself as well.
• Compassionate empathy: You understand and feel what the other person is going through, and you are moved to help. This form sets you in action.

For managers, the combination of cognitive and compassionate empathy is particularly valuable. You understand what is going on with your employees, and you take action to support them. This does not always have to be on a grand scale. Furthermore, sometimes it is simply acknowledging that someone is struggling before discussing work content.

The difference between empathy and sympathy

Furthermore, in practice, empathy and sympathy are often confused. However, there is an important difference between them. Sympathy keeps your distance: you say “that’s unfortunate for you” and go on with the order of the day. Likewise, empathy requires you to pause for a moment and try to feel what the other person feels.

An example. An employee mentions that her mother is seriously ill. A sympathetic reaction is: “That’s awful, wishing you strength.” An empathetic reaction is: “That must be incredibly difficult. How are you doing? And what do you need from me to keep work and private life manageable?” The difference lies in the willingness to ask further questions and to set aside your own agenda for a moment.

In short, Brené Brown, a researcher at the University of Houston, puts it aptly: sympathy drives disconnection, empathy drives connection. As a manager, you want connection with your team. Not because it’s fun, but because connection forms the basis for trust, open communication, and ultimately better performance.

Why empathy is essential for managers

Empathy in the workplace is not a luxury. It is a strategic necessity. Here are five concrete reasons why empathy makes you more effective as a manager.

1. Higher employee engagement

Moreover, employees who feel understood are more engaged in their work. Gallup research shows time and again that the relationship with the direct supervisor is the most important factor for engagement. However, empathy is the foundation of that relationship. If your employees feel that you understand their situation (even if you disagree with it), their willingness to commit increases.

2. Lower turnover

The saying “people don’t leave companies, they leave managers” holds true in practice. Research by Businessolver shows that 92% of employees are more likely to stay with an organization if they perceive their manager to be empathetic. In a tight labor market, empathy is therefore also a retention tool.

3. Better decision-making

Therefore, a manager who listens empathetically receives more and better information. Employees are more likely to identify problems, signal risks, and share ideas. This leads to better-informed decisions. Without empathy, a culture emerges in which bad news is withheld, with all the associated consequences.

4. Stronger team dynamics

Teams where empathy is the norm have greater psychological safety. Google's Project Aristotle showed that psychological safety is the most important predictor of team effectiveness. After all, empathetic leadership creates an environment where team members dare to make mistakes, dare to ask questions, and dare to hold each other accountable.

5. More effective change management

Nevertheless, resistance during organizational changes often causes frustration among managers. However, resistance is rarely unwillingness. Instead, it is usually driven by fear or uncertainty. An empathetic manager recognizes this and addresses the underlying concerns, rather than ignoring or fighting the resistance. This makes change processes more successful. Still, want to know more about facilitating change processes? Check out the change management training by Kenneth Smit.

The pitfalls of empathy

Empathy is powerful, but it also has limits. It is good to be aware of a few common pitfalls.

Empathy fatigue. If you constantly empathize with the problems of others, you run the risk of emotional exhaustion. This is particularly true for managers with large teams or in sectors with high work pressure. The solution is not to be less empathetic, but to consciously set boundaries. Also, you do not have to solve every problem. Sometimes acknowledging it is enough.

Indecision. Showing too much sympathy can lead to postponing difficult decisions. Dismissal, reorganization, or addressing poor performance remain necessary, even if you understand how unpleasant it is for those involved. Empathy is not about being nice. So, it is about understanding, and subsequently doing what is necessary anyway.

Partiality. Emotional empathy can cloud your judgment. If you identify more strongly with some team members than with others, you unconsciously make biased decisions. This is where cognitive empathy helps: consciously considering the perspective of everyone involved, even those you understand less well.

How do you develop empathy as a manager? Five practical techniques

Moreover, empathy is partly innate, but largely developable. Here are five techniques you can apply immediately.

1. Practice active listening

Active listening means giving your full attention to the speaker. Put your phone away, close your laptop, and make eye contact. Do not interrupt. Summarize what the other person says to check if you understand correctly. Ask open-ended questions such as “What do you mean by that?” or “What would you like to happen?”

Likewise, this sounds simple, but in practice, most managers listen to answer, not to understand. Pay conscious attention to your own behavior in the next conversation. How long can you listen without already formulating a solution in your head?

2. Postpone your judgement

When an employee tells you something you don't understand or disagree with, the automatic reaction is to judge. Try to postpone that. At the same time, don't immediately say “Yes, but…” or “You’re seeing that wrong.” Instead, ask further questions. What makes you think that way? What experiences are at play?

Finally, this does not mean that you have to agree with everything. Empathy is understanding, not approving. But by understanding first, you prevent conversations from escalating or employees from shutting down.

3. Share your own vulnerability

Empathy is not a one-way street. If, as a manager, you show that you also struggle, have doubts, or make mistakes, you make it easier for others to be open. This doesn't have to be dramatic. A simple “I found that difficult too when I did that for the first time” or “I’m also worried about this project” is enough to set the tone.

4. Actively seek other perspectives

Moreover, empathy grows when you expose yourself to experiences different from your own. Don't just talk to people who are similar to you. Finally, engage in conversation with employees from other departments, other age groups, or other backgrounds. Ask about their experience with the organization, with your policies, and with the workload. You will be surprised how much you learn.

5. Reflect on your own emotions

To understand the emotions of others, you must first recognize your own. Take five minutes at the end of the day to look back. What irritated you? Where did you feel tension? What made you happy? By knowing your own emotional patterns, you recognize them in others more quickly.

All in all, do you want to further develop these skills in a structured setting? The communication training by Kenneth Smit helps you translate empathic leadership into effective conversations.

Empathy in practice: three scenarios

Let's make empathy concrete with three recognizable situations from management practice.

Scenario 1: an employee with disappointing results

First of all, it is tempting to focus immediately on the numbers. But first ask: what is going on? Perhaps this employee has personal issues, feels overwhelmed by a new system, or lacks clarity regarding expectations. By listening first, you gain the information you need to solve the real problem, rather than just treating the symptom.

Scenario 2: resistance to a new working method

Your team reacts negatively to a change. The non-empathetic reaction: “This has been decided, we are just going to do it.” The empathetic approach: “I notice that this is causing resistance. Help me understand what your concerns are.” Often, it turns out that the resistance is not about the change itself, but about fear of the unknown, loss of autonomy, or bad experiences with previous changes.

Scenario 3: conflict between two team members

Furthermore, in a conflict, it is tempting to take sides or downplay the conflict. An empathetic manager speaks to both parties separately, listens to both sides without judgment, and looks for the underlying needs. Often, conflicts are not about the immediate subject (who does which task) but about deeper needs (recognition, autonomy, safety). Moreover, also read our article about conflict management in the workplace for more techniques.

Empathy and results orientation: a false dichotomy

A common objection to empathetic leadership: “But surely I have to achieve results too?” That is true, and empathy is not opposed to that. On the contrary, it strengthens you.

Furthermore, empathetic managers also set tough goals, provide honest feedback, and make unpopular decisions. The difference lies in the how. They explain why a decision was made. Subsequently, they provide feedback in a way that enables the other person to grow, rather than tearing them down. They set goals in consultation, fostering a sense of ownership.

Kim Scott describes this in her Radical Candor model as the combination of “caring personally” and “challenging directly”. In other words: you genuinely care about the other person, and at the same time you dare to be honest. That is empathy in action. Also, do you want to get better at giving honest and constructive feedback? Read our article about give feedback.

Measuring and developing empathy in your team

In short, empathy does not have to remain a vague concept. There are concrete ways to assess and improve the level of empathy in your team.

Ask your team for feedback. Regularly ask the question: “Do you feel heard in this team?” and “Do you feel that your manager understands what you need?” The answers are sometimes confronting, but always educational.

Introduce empathy exercises. Start team meetings with a check-in: everyone shares how they are doing in two sentences. Not to solve problems, but to create a habit of paying attention to one another.

Train your team. Empathy is a skill you can train, just like presenting or planning. management training paying attention to emotional intelligence and conversational skills helps your entire team communicate more empathetically.

The scientific basis of empathy

Empathy is not just a psychological concept; it has a neurological basis. Neuroscientists discovered mirror neurons: brain cells that become active both when you perform an action yourself and when you observe that action in someone else. This biological mechanism makes it possible to literally feel the emotions of others.

In addition, oxytocin plays a role, the hormone released during social contact that fosters trust. In situations where you respond empathetically to another person (truly listening, making eye contact, acknowledging emotions), oxytocin levels rise in both conversation partners. This strengthens the mutual bond.

This explains why empathetic conversations are sometimes surprisingly effective. You don't necessarily solve the problem, but the conversation itself creates a sense of support and connection. And that is exactly what employees need to stay motivated and resilient.

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