A day later, I asked Linda what impression the politician had made on her. 'Did it appeal to you? What stood out to you? Was he/she convincing? Discovering the secret is essential here.
Do you think he/she will win many votes with this? I myself had mainly paid attention to the broader picture, including the non-verbal part, and I had drawn my conclusions.
For me it was a test to know what someone who has an average knowledge of the theory surrounding non-verbal behaviour and can look at someone neutrally, thinks about it.
Her response was that the politician was not convincing, even doubted his own text, was too preoccupied with himself and not sufficiently focused on the other person, was a poor listener and seemed restless, and even inauthentic.
When I asked what had caused this feeling, she could not give a clear reason. This is something that happens frequently in conversations. We have a good/bad feeling about a conversation and/or person, but have no idea where it comes from.
I will return later to the behavior that may have led to this judgment. I am leaving aside the possibility that previous opinions are taken into account, which can lead to selective perception.
What everyone should know about non-verbal behavior
First of all, we must be aware of our own non-verbal behavior. Knowing what behavior you exhibit and what effect it has on others. If this politician had controlled this, an ineffective signal could have been prevented from being sent during almost the entire program.
It is then useful to be able to read the other person's non-verbal behavior. He tells you non-verbally how he feels and what he thinks about the subject or you.
Finally, by using non-verbal behavior effectively, you can influence others. Very nice if, for example, you want to close a deal with a customer or achieve a certain goal in conversation with an employee.
What is non-verbal communication
Communication consists of three pillars: verbal (the word), intonation (emphasis, loud/soft, etc.), and non-verbal. Non-verbal is everything except the words themselves, i.e., body language. The contributions to effectiveness are 7%, 38%, and 55%, respectively.
Non-verbal communication therefore has a 55% effect on communication as a whole. We communicate non-verbally with our head, face, hands, arms, body posture, legs, and feet. Your non-verbal behavior shows whether you are happy, sad, tense, confident, or in another emotional state.
Which attitude is best to maintain? Generally speaking, an open attitude leads to better understanding, a better atmosphere, and ultimately a better relationship than a closed attitude. You can recognize an open attitude by...
a. arms apart, legs uncrossed or crossed towards the other person, friendly facial expression, eye contact, body slightly turned towards conversation partner.
In a conversation, you are more likely to be perceived as an empathetic and interested listener if you adopt an open posture, look the other person in the eye regularly, tilt your head slightly, nod regularly, and show your palms regularly.
Mirroring behavior
What also contributes to a good atmosphere and mutual trust is regularly mirroring the other person's behavior. The other person then recognizes themselves in you and automatically gets a better feeling about you. Humans have a natural tendency to mirror.
As long as this is an open attitude, that is fine, but be careful about mirroring closed behavior. Within the theory of neuro-linguistic programming, this is actually considered effective in certain cases, but that goes a bit too far for now.
I would like to come back to this in a next blog.
So, for example, if your conversation partner has a hand on his hip, he will accept you more easily if you also have a hand on your hip. However, do not do this too obviously. Generally, this is an unconscious process for your conversation partner.
He/she has a good/bad feeling about you and has no idea why. Also know that the other person tends to mirror you. So if you adopt an open attitude, he/she will do the same and feel better as a result, increasing your chances of success.
Signals
It is advisable to observe your conversation partner closely. In doing so, he can give you signals about what he thinks and feels. I call these red, orange, and green signals.
Red, for example, occurs when your conversation partner abruptly switches from an open to a closed posture. If he also looks angry while doing so (so a cluster of signals), then you know that he may not agree with you but is not saying so (yet).
Then stop what you were doing and, for example, ask a question about the subject. Orange signals are essentially the transition from green to red and vice versa. Vigilance is required in this case. With a cluster of green signals (open attitude), you can calmly continue with what you were doing.
Zones
We live in emotional zones. These involve so-called bubbles around us, each maintaining a certain distance. It is important to adhere to this distance in relation to others. For instance, we have the public zone (>3,6 meters), which is suitable for public speaking.
The social zone (1,2 – 3,6 meters) for an initial meeting with a business associate. If you get too close too quickly, the other person will distance themselves.
Between 60 and 120 cm is the personal zone into which you are admitted once you know and like each other better. You must therefore first earn to enter that zone.
If you succeed in doing that, you will have laid a solid foundation for a good relationship. Imagine being the only one to have achieved this with an important prospect, leaving your competitors in the dust.
Moreover, this process is being significantly disrupted by the corona measures. You often cannot allow people you would like to have in your personal zone now.
For others, it is a blessing that they can now keep certain people at a distance. Furthermore, we have the intimate and physical zone, which I will not go into further now. Incidentally, the mentioned sizes are approximate, as they can vary by person and culture.
Visual, auditory and kinaesthetic
Finally, something from the theory of neuro-linguistic programming. This tells us about people's preference for storing information, and about how they think and communicate.
People with a preference for a visual filter think primarily in pictures, auditory people are more focused on what they hear, and those with a kinesthetic preference are primarily concerned with feeling.
You can see how this is with your conversation partner, among other things.
discernible from eye movements and word choice. Statements such as 'I can picture it', 'that doesn't sound good', and 'I feel...' provide insight into personal preference.
To connect optimally with your conversation partner, it is beneficial to adapt your communication style to the other person's preferences so that you speak each other's language.
For example, if you have to develop a sales proposal for a visually oriented person, use a beautiful presentation with lots of pictures. For an auditory person, tell a good story. And for someone with a kinesthetic focus, provide tangible material such as a sample of your product or a nice brochure.
The politician
What was the non-verbal behavior of the politician that made my wife not enthusiastic and expect that the politician will receive few votes based on the broadcast? The following behavior I observed may have played a role in this:
- Closed posture by placing elbows in front of the body as a barrier
- Frequently covering your mouth with your hands (may indicate lying or doubting your own words)
- Crossed legs, crossed away from the conversation partner
- Inadequate eye contact and looking away
- Tense facial expression
And finally
A seemingly unimportant detail of non-verbal communication can turn out to be essential. For example, research into election debates in America shows that usually the presidential candidate who blinks the least ultimately wins the election. Chance?
How aware are you of your own non-verbal communication, are you able to read the behavior of others and can you influence situations with your communication channels?
I invite you to share your experiences and start the discussion. Perhaps that will lead to a next, in-depth blog on this subject. I am ready!
P.S.
Paul Schrijft about personal growth
about personal growth
Paul Claessens
Read also
You can find more background information about discover secret at discover secret (Wikipedia).