We talk quite a lot every day: on average about 16.000 words. You might be thinking: “That’s typically a woman thing.” But this is a myth , because research shows that men use just as many words as women. So everyone talks a lot: it doesn't matter whether you belong to the category of fluent chatterboxes or quiet waters. When you speak, you naturally want your conversations to flow smoothly and to be heard better. Therefore, take a look at the tips below.
Better and tip 1 Active listening
When someone tells a story, many people tend to interrupt immediately. There is only half listening, because the person is mainly concerned with what he or she is going to tell in response to the story. Or even worse: that person immediately interrupts the story by giving a response. This interruption happens more often than you think, just pay attention to it. Listening is about the other person, not about “me”. So let the narrator finish talking first.
In addition, it is important not only to hear what the other person says, but also to try to understand it. Ask clarifying questions if you do not understand something. And briefly summarize what the other person has said. You can also show that you are actively listening through small words of encouragement. And show non-verbally that you are listening by making eye contact and paying attention to your facial expression and body language.
Tip 2 Stop complaining
Complaining is ingrained in Dutch culture. Complaining about the weather, in particular, is a Dutch national pastime. People who complain, whine, grumble, or gossip cast a negative shadow over the conversation: they leave a nasty aftertaste. People prefer to engage in conversation with someone who is positive rather than someone who enjoys complaining. Moreover, complaining results in health problems. Research has shown that people who complain frequently have shorter lifespans, are sick more often, are less successful, and have fewer friends. Enough reasons, then, to stop complaining immediately!
But how do you do that: stop complaining? Look at the bright side of things. It is not without reason that Johan Cruijff said: “Every disadvantage has its advantage”. And if someone speaks negatively, don't go along with it. What you can do better is put a positive spin on it. People don't expect this at first, but they can appreciate it afterwards.
Tip 3 Asking the right questions
In addition to actively listening, asking good questions is important: you get more information about a certain subject. And by asking questions you show that you are listening and you encourage the other person to tell more. In a conversation you can ask open and closed questions. With an open question (What do you think about..) your conversation partner is given all the space to answer. A closed question yields answers such as “yes” and “no”. Which type of question is most appropriate depends on the purpose and the situation. If you want to let the other person talk without restraint, an open question is most suitable. If you need specific information, ask closed questions. Before you ask a question, think carefully about the goal: what information would you like to find out?
Tip 4 Don't ask too many questions
Have you ever had a conversation with someone and they asked multiple questions at the same time? This causes confusion. Because which question should you answer first? Therefore, avoid multiple questions and ask 1 question at a time. Formulate the questions you ask as specifically as possible and use sentences in the active voice. And avoid asking questions in subordinate clauses: keep it simple with single sentences.
Tip 5 Pay attention to your body language
We communicate not only with words, but also with our body language. Be aware of the non-verbal signals you send with your body. Your body language can support or contradict your message. The direction your feet are pointing, for example, shows which direction you want to go. If, for instance, a person has turned their upper body towards you but their feet are pointing towards the door, then they do not want to participate in the conversation.
The tips above will help you on your way to being heard even better. Do you need more information and in-depth knowledge on this topic? Then take a look at our extensive range of communication training courses.
