We talk a lot in a day: an average of about 16.000 words. You may now be thinking: “That's typically a woman's thing”. But this is one myth , because research shows that men use just as many words as women. So everyone talks a lot: it doesn't matter whether you belong to the category of fluent waterfalls or the silent waters. When you speak, you naturally want your conversations to go smoothly and that you are heard better. So take a look at the tips below.
Better and tip 1 Active listening
When someone tells a story, many people tend to interrupt immediately. There is only half listening, because the person is mainly concerned with what he or she is going to tell in response to the story. Or even worse: that person immediately interrupts the story by giving a response. This interruption happens more often than you think, just pay attention to it. Listening is about the other person, not about “me”. So let the narrator finish talking first.
In addition, it is important that you not only hear what the other person says, but also try to understand what the other person is saying. Ask if you don't understand something. And briefly summarize what the other person has said. You can also show that you care through small encouragement actively listens. And show non-verbally that you are listening by making eye contact and paying attention to your facial expression and body language.
Tip 2 Stop complaining
It is part of Dutch culture to complain. Complaining about the weather in particular is a Dutch popular sport. People who complain, whine, grumble or gossip give the conversation a negative connotation: they leave a bad aftertaste. People prefer to talk to someone who is positive rather than someone who likes to complain. Moreover, complaining results in developing health problems. Research has shown that people who complain a lot live shorter lives, get sick more often, be less successful and have fewer friends. Enough reasons to stop complaining immediately!
But how do you do that: stop complaining? Look at the bright side of things. It is not without reason that Johan Cruijff said: “Every disadvantage has its advantage”. And if someone speaks negatively, don't go along with it. What you can do better is put a positive spin on it. People don't expect this at first, but they can appreciate it afterwards.
Tip 3 Asking the right questions
In addition to actively listening, asking good questions is important: you get more information about a certain subject. And by asking questions you show that you are listening and you encourage the other person to tell more. In a conversation you can ask open and closed questions. With an open question (What do you think about..) your conversation partner is given all the space to answer. A closed question yields answers such as “yes” and “no”. Which type of question is most appropriate depends on the purpose and the situation. If you want to let the other person talk without restraint, an open question is most suitable. If you need specific information, ask closed questions. Before you ask a question, think carefully about the goal: what information would you like to find out?
Tip 4 Don't ask too many questions
Have you ever had a conversation with someone and they asked multiple questions at the same time? This causes confusion. Because which question should you answer first? Therefore, avoid multiple questions and ask 1 question at a time. Formulate the questions you ask as specifically as possible and use sentences in the active voice. And avoid asking questions in subordinate clauses: keep it simple with single sentences.
Tip 5 Pay attention to your body language
We communicate not only with words, but also with our body language. Be aware of non-verbal signals that you emit with your body. Your body language can support or contradict your message. For example, the direction your feet point shows which direction you want to go. For example, if a person has their upper body turned towards you, but their feet are pointing towards the door, they do not want to participate in the conversation.
The above tips will help you on your way to being heard even better. Do you need more information and depth about this? Then view our extensive range communication training.