Two people are presented with exactly the same negotiation. The same product, the same counterparty, and the same interests. Yet, one achieves a better result than the other. Often, your personality determines the outcome of negotiations more than knowledge or experience.
That difference does not always lie in knowledge, experience, or arguments. Sometimes it has mainly to do with who you are and how you naturally react in conversations.
Precisely that subject has been extensively researched within negotiation psychology.
The research that made this visible
Personality demonstrably influences negotiation outcomes. In 1998, Bruce Barry and Ray Friedman published an influential study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology . They investigated how personality influences negotiation results. The participants conducted various simulated negotiations and were assessed on the five well-known personality traits from the Big Five model : openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and emotional stability.
The researchers discovered something striking. In so-called distributive negotiations, where a fixed amount must be divided, extroverted and friendly participants performed less well on average than others. Consider, for example, a price negotiation where every euro you win comes at the expense of the other party.
That result is at odds with what many people expect. In daily life, extroverted and friendly people are often seen as socially strong and persuasive. During a negotiation, however, things can turn out quite differently.
Why kindness costs you money
Kindness helps relationships, but can weaken negotiation results. People with a high degree of kindness often place great value on relationships, mutual understanding, and a pleasant atmosphere. They tend towards cooperation, are quicker to give in, and value harmony in the relationship. That is a valuable quality at the kitchen table. At the negotiating table, however, it can cost you dearly.
Anyone who is quick to accommodate the other party runs the risk of making concessions without offering anything in return. The other party senses this—consciously or unconsciously—and adjusts their demands accordingly.
Extroversion can also be a disadvantage in certain negotiations. Extroverted people are often energetic, self-confident, and strong communicators—qualities that are valuable in many situations. At the same time, they are more inclined to share information early in the conversation or make a quick opening offer.
That is precisely what can be strategically disadvantageous. Whoever is the first to submit a concrete proposal often discloses more information than necessary and sometimes reduces their negotiating room.
The tipping point: not every negotiation is the same
The value of a personality trait depends on the situation. The same extroversion that can be a disadvantage in a simple price negotiation proves to be valuable in more complex negotiations. Consider situations where multiple interests are at play simultaneously, such as price, service, delivery times, exclusivity, or future collaboration.
The explanation makes sense once you hear it: sharing information can harm direct price negotiations, but it is essential precisely when there is room to jointly create a better outcome. An extroverted negotiator who talks easily and asks questions discovers more quickly what the other party truly needs. And that is exactly where profit is generated in more complex deals.
The same trait. Two outcomes. The difference lies not in you, but in the type of conversation you find yourself in.
The science behind that difference
Personality and situation constantly influence each other. Psychologists explain this using Trait Activation Theory . This theory posits that personality traits are relatively stable, but that the environment determines the extent to which they become visible and have an effect.
Therefore, a trait is never automatically a strength or a pitfall. That depends on the situation you find yourself in.
An extroverted negotiator, for example, will gather information and build relationships more quickly. In a complex negotiation, this can be a major advantage. In a simple price negotiation, the same tendency can lead to too much information being shared or giving away space too quickly.
It is therefore not just about your personality, but above all about recognizing the moments when your natural preferences help or limit you.
What does this mean for you?
Three insights you can apply immediately:
Know your own pattern before the conversation starts.
Are you naturally strongly inclined towards cooperation and harmony? Then be extra vigilant during pure price negotiations. It is precisely there that your willingness to compromise can have more influence than you think.
Use extroversion consciously.
Do you make connections easily and naturally ask a lot of questions? Be sure to use that strength in negotiations where multiple interests are at play. The information you gather there often forms the basis for better agreements.
Tailor your approach to the type of negotiation.
What works in a collaborative negotiation does not automatically work in a price discussion. Successful negotiation begins with recognizing the situation and consciously choosing behavior that fits it.
Ultimately, your personality does not determine whether you are a good negotiator. The difference lies in how well you understand the influence your personal preferences have on the conversation you are having.
Why we work with four axes in trainingen
Good negotiation begins with insight into your own preferred behavior. That is why, in the Harvard Negotiation training, we work with a model that visualizes negotiation behavior on four axes: content (accommodating versus tough), power (low resistance versus dominant), relationship (jovial versus distant), and creativity (seeking versus avoidant).
These four axes immediately reveal how you naturally negotiate. The friendly negotiator often scores high on relationship and lower on power. We also see this pattern reflected in research into negotiations where the primary focus is on division. The extroverted negotiator, on the other hand, often scores higher on creativity, because he gathers information, asks questions, and explores alternatives more easily. This behavior proves particularly valuable in negotiations where multiple interests are at play.
Your score on the four axes is a starting point, not an endpoint. It shows your natural preference, not how you should always act. That is precisely where the room for development lies.
The laws that compensate for your personality
Effective negotiators learn behaviors that complement their natural preference. Therefore, in the training, we pay close attention to a number of negotiation principles that help avoid pitfalls.
Law 4 prevents you from unknowingly giving away value. This law states that you only give something away if you receive something in return. This is an important discipline, especially for people who are strongly focused on the relationship. Not because friendliness is a problem, but because this group in particular is sometimes quicker to make concessions to keep the conversation pleasant.
Law 5 helps you exchange value more intelligently. This law revolves around giving away things that cost you little but mean a lot to the other person. This requires insight, preparation, and creativity. The beauty of it is that this is trainable, regardless of your personality.
Personality only becomes a limitation when you are unaware of it. As soon as you recognize your own patterns, you can deal with them consciously. Then you do not react automatically, but make choices that suit the situation.
The core
Successful negotiation requires more than just techniques. It is the combination of self-insight, craftsmanship, and the ability to adapt your behavior to the situation.
Anyone who understands the influence their personality has on a negotiation does not need to negotiate harder. They negotiate more effectively.
Personality and negotiation: how to consciously use your style
Your personality does not disappear as soon as you start negotiating. Those who know their natural style recognize where it helps and where it gets in the way. It is precisely by linking your personality to conscious choices that you achieve a better result in every negotiation. That is how personality and negotiation always work together.
